A Call To My Creator

I Don't know who the hell you are.

I spent the majority of childhood in church being fed as much propaganda from the pulpits as I was fed from the TV when got home and peeled off my pantyhose and plopped on the couch infront of it. Now I learn that there was infact something like 16 guys who lived before Jesus who was birthed the same way, born into a manger the same way, attened by magi the same way, escaped to Egypt the same way, was baptised the same way, did the exact same miracles in the exact same order, died the same way and rose on the same damn third day. I have learned that Christianity is rooted in the Church of Aton. Hence "atonement". I have learned the Holy Spirit is also known as Shiva and she's female and thats why females have been supressed since the beginnning of the dawn of man. I have learned there has been a so-called Messiah with the same message born for every 1/2 millenium there ever was. I have learned that something is tryinf to get the same message through and has been trying for eons and still no one will fucking listen. I have learned that Christ Consciousness has nothing to do with Jesus the Man. I have learned the concept is infinitely more important than the name. The name gets nothing done. The mindset is what causes seas to lie down like lambs.

I have learned that so much of what we have been brainwashed into calling mythology is actually what out of text books and shadowed scientist and archeologist call HISTORY. The only problem is after the Government gets wind of thier first seminar on a new find, they are mysteriously killed on thier own front lawns before they can turn the key in the door and celebrate with their families; same as the guy who founded the water car and the one who discovered cold fusion. We will not ever get to use new energy resources no matter how many thousands are discovered in a decade. Why? Because the money right now is in the oil and the NEW WORLD ORDER will be damned if they lose business. So people need to stop the environmentalist bullshit because frankly riding a bike and recycling Coke cans doesn't make you have anymore of a gun collection than the Military-Industrial Complex. Its not going to happen! The world is going to die biologically and thats the way it is! Accept your fate and move on.

I have learned that Think Tanks, Small Control Groups, Corporate Giants and The Three Patriot Stooges ( CIA, NSA, FBI) all have their roots and allegiances in the same Godforsaken Secret Society. The Skull & Bones are nothing more than a Yale Frat party with sick ceromonial
sacrificial rites shrouded in mystery that keeps the people hyped up on the medias presentation of them and off the REAL Society that has Controled the whole damn Godless World since the days of Ancient Mesopotamia. Who was it that said " The Presidents Job is not to execute power. The presidents Job is to distract attention from power."? I have learned that The Bilderberg Group controls the very air we breathe and manipulates it and yet only a handful have even heard of them. I have learned that only 50 people control the world as we know it and " thats a high figure." I have learned that there is no law that says we have to pay taxes.
I have learned that the IRS is an illegal establishment and I have learned that our own president said the Constitution is just a Goddamned peice of paper![quote]

I have learned that 90% of corporate logos are designed with astrology and sacred geometry in mind to harness the collective consciousness with symbols embedded in racial memory. I have learned that the very streets I walk on are designed with geomancy and astromancy in the same way the logos are. I have learned that HIGH ranking Freemasons know exactly who I am and will use TIAS, Total Information Awareness Systems software to track down every word I say on the internet. I learn that they have extracted my DNA from birth, taken urine and blood samples and can deposite these specimens in any place on earht should they feel the need to convict me of any crime they choose.

I have learned that people are inherently retarded for turning on the TV and subscribing heart and soul to everything they see and hear, up to and including being willing to die for it.
Do they not understand the concept of animation frames? Frames can be deleted. If the president says something during a speech they do not want us to hear, they simply delete the
frames in which he friggin said it and then blast it all over the TV screen. Next thing you know people are having political banter in an all night cafe over crap they know absolutely nothing about.

" Hi, this is Desiree reporting live from Fox News. I am standing outside the press conference where President Bush has just answered some questions regarding the Military Commisions Act of 2006. Though this act is a simple excecutive order dissolving the walls between Police And Military relationship as it concerns civilians and domestic areas, effectively allowing Tanks to roll through the streets and pick up 14 year old boys for trying to buy a pack of Camel Lights, we are told that this is not what it does at all! I however think this to be a crock of shit because I read the paper myself! What exactly the President Plans to accomplish with this Bill is unknown. though we are told it is meant to fight THE WAR ON TERROR, in some internet circles affectionately referd to as T.W.O.T. Depressingly so, the fact is I do not know what the Presidents plans are regardless of what it says scrolling up the little blue screen infront me right now and regardless of my 5 figure salary. I am only repeating, as I do every night, what they tell me to to tell you, the public. Thank you for watchng Fox news again, and tune in tomarrow to see if Im still alive. Now go back to your political conversations and arguments as if you know precisely what just went on inside the building behind me becuase after all, you were there and heard it yourself. As always, we hope you enjoyed the convincing graphics, the scrolling marquee of randomized text at the bottom of the screen and our Illuminati Logo at the bottom left hand corner depicting a pyrmid and the all-seeing eye only those who are not irreversably brainwashed can see. Coming up, Americas Favorite-Bullet Dodger, Bill O' debates the Controversial PNAC who plans to surrender the soveriegnty of this great Nation."

I have learned. I have learned well. Thank You, Lord God Creator whoever the hell you are.
All of this information and I am still no more blessed than I was when I was ignorant. My arent' you the generous one.

I am not any of you. Deal with it.

A light that speaks inside of me
the voices ride on wavelengths
The images that abide in me
never have I witnessed this measure of strength.
I can't see my hand infront my face.
Too busy watching the death of cells
Every moment is melting me in a race to
distance me from physicalities hell.
Imaginination churns with color and speed
tongue is frozen inspite of your need
jaw locked in paralyzing wonder
the concept of concpetion ripped assunder.
There is no God composing this song
we all have it right, just applying it wrong.
And theres never been a second where I felt I was home
Wouldn't take a minute with man
over an eternity alone.
It's easy to pick a click of the clock
ponder a moment and hate it.
Then they say religion isn't enough
when they are the ones that made it.
Family is a thriving institution
another pyramid in the scheme
Marriage, an Asylumn, the revolution for a Marqi Desade wet dream.
I don't want hear the words " I love you"
from anyone but me.
Is there anyone but me who knows the infinitum of this heart?
Do you think your hands can put it together
when its mine that tore it apart?
Sometimes I think I am the only woman
who can see molecules dance in my cup of coffee.
I wonder what each of them have to say?
From dimension do they come?
White water rapids of chloraphyl.
Trees that speak only in past tense.
Mind over matter bending to will
who said this was going to make sense?
I am not a conformist by any means.
So as they stand out as nerve endings jutting out from the soil...
does the oak clutch the earth or the sky?
Why is there not a field of expertise for studying the Zodiac symbols in the seashell or the clouds?
Have I been awake to long? Can't be. I am not hallucinating yet and my brow is not stinging.
I am not reading or writng the same sentence over and over again. I am not satified until I plain shift. Then I can really rape photoshop.

Why don't people speak to eachother?

I see it everyday. I have noticed it in a way that few have from childhood. People pass by eachotehr in the grocery stores, the malls, traffic lights, corner stores, courts, hospitials, and so on. They see a face. They see apparel. They make a judgment and they walk away. Why?
We have grown to be dumbed down to level ants, bumping in to eachother on lifes path and ignoring the "who" only acknowledging that there is a mass, a dense obstacle blocking our paths that some refer to as a fellow human being. What the hell? Have you ever looked into the eyes a random person and thought, " My God, I bet they have some stories to tell!" I do everyday, all day. I am eventually planning to get my camcorder and walk up to an assortment of people and ask them to tell me a story about their lives. Think about how your life has been. Successful? Traumatizing? No Matter. I am the type of woman who wants to know.
There has always been this gut-level notion within me, that is if everyone, old and young, would choose to conversate in respect for one anothers experiences, just for one day so many barriers in society would be absolutely shattered with no hope of reconstruction. Your preferences do not set you apart from another person. Your geographical location does not cause your distance. Your generational gaps are not the formation of years. It's your inability to esteem anothers wisdom and knowledge above your own. Some of the most profound statements come out of the mouths of babes. The most unexpected quips come from the lips of elders. Why will you not open your eyes to the glory in the lives of the people around you day to day? Why do you see that elderly woman at the checkout and decide she has nothing of value to offer you? I have met a holocaust survivor standing in line at the pharmacy. I have met grandfathers that want nothing more than to speak to young women, not because they are perverts, but becuase they remind them of their own daughters who disowned them on account of alcohol abuse a decade and a half ago after thier rehabilitation. Some people want nothing more than to sit infront of your child as the giggle in the stroller and ponder the child they have lost in a miscarriage. And you watch the news that paints everyone as evil and think, " They may try to steal my kid". So you give a plastic grin, repeat how old the child is, and slowly retract the stroller from the face of the admiring person.
I have posted in my profile that I love to make lifelong friendships with the homelss. I met someone who stood on the same intersection for 6 years. Why? His wife and child were killed there in a head on collision. And you see his crack pipe, his bottle of Jack and spit on him. I met someone who was in a wheelchair, a vet with dreadlocks like broom straws, a heavy Jamacian
accent who lived under an oning outside and abandonm cafe. I was waiting for my Father to come from 50 miles to pick me up at the bus station. I had not had anything to eat in hours. He bought me a couple of Tacos and a large Pepsi and proceeded to have one of the most intellectually stimulating conversations I have ever had. But many of you would see him and think he might grab hold of your arm as you walk by and speak of voodoo mysteries and pentacles of doom drawn on the floor under your beds. Stop watching TV!!!!

Oscar the grouch of Sesame Street lived in a garbage can, had a pet worm, was anorexic with huge bulgijng eyes and an obvious crack fiend! You did not seem to have a problem with letting your kids shake his hand and talk about the letter " G" at Sesame Street on Ice, did you? You oaf!

If the fu shits...

Look at your mindsets...

Look at what you are ALL missing out on! Why does the lady that you detest down the street have so many friggin cats? Oh she's just creepy like that....

She more than likely has had too many marriages to count and decided that cats are cheaper, they just want to cuddle and she would rather have something shitting on her kitchen floor than on her friggin heart! Analyze it, people!

Just becuase some people are too weak to respond to tragedy in the same way that you might, does not mean that they she be left without a way to cope for the sake of societies approval rating until they can find the truth.

The truth is outside forces do not birth fear. The people you automatically avoid are struggling because they do not understand this truth. Fear is an easily tamed animal. Their fear of whats happened to them, your fear of what might happen to you becuase of whats happened to them. Its all controlable. You have to be the one to direct it in a purposeful, profitable fashion.

Everyone has had an experience. Regardless of what you may believe upn first glance, everyone has had an experience. And even if you do not take the same lessons and apply them to your life, the universe is not without balance. They can go on knowing that someone actually gave a damn to hear them out past " How ya doin'?".

Tyler Durden: " I don't know. It' s like people actually listen to you here instead of -
Marla Singer: " Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.

Marla, a thieving, lying, pillpopping, whore.

What did she have to teach us?

Alabaster says:

My TimeScopes Number

5 ............

I have never been described more accurately. I almost danced!

*The (parenthesesed) words are mine to give you a hint....

5 is the most dynamic of all numbers. It is a promoter- a salesperson par excellence. It is versatile and adapatable.(ya know I really should not be alive his fact.) It is the experimenter and the explorer. It is also bright, quick-witted, and a straight shooter with extraordinary reflexes. It is the juggler of many projects, and it is easily distracted with a love for sensual pleasures and immediate gratification( I use to be, but today I am far from it. This seems based on natural inclincations.

It is adventurous and courageous; this is the traveler's number. ( I never minded taking the last $30 I had to my name and jumping a Greyhound Bus across the states just see what I could learn, if I could survive, what opportuntities I might hit and who I might make lifelong friends with. This little habit of mine has never steered me wrong.
Your talents and strengths are that of being bold, daring, and persuasive( they have no idea...) You enjoy the finer things life has to offer( I will take a seminar on the sprectrum of consciousness over saving my marriage, as If I ever plan to marry, which I don't. Your areas of concern are restlessness to the point of boredom( give me photosho or give me death) and you can be easily side-tracked( I guess thats what happens when your so creative no one can speak without the images playing out like a movie in your head. I little brother refers to my other little brother as a dick-bank when they get into an argument over the band. I am cursed with spewing my chai out of my nose. I cannot only visualize such things, I can effortlessly draw them. Your general leanings are to search for new opportunities( thank you teh internets!) take chances(no strings companionship. Now thats risky! Or telling your customer that part of your job is marketing council and the money pattern they want for the postcard is going to be found in ever dumpster from her to Yucatan becasue it looks like junk mail.) and you want to try it all( Like fried tarantula legs sprinkled on some ancient Madagascaran tribal salad that probably has not even been founded yet.) Your practical expression is best for a public figure( ah , the platform), being in media( Web developer specialist taking classes for digital photography, and developing new ideas for small business( Thats my mission statement of design as the owner of Alabaster Media.

Get your personal Reading at Michael Tsarion's site

http://www.timegnosis.com

A Completely Random Rant

Sadly, there will propaganda for all humanities sake posted here tonight. I am currently jamming The Rolling Stones " Jumpin' Jack Flash" . So put that as your background music for reading this. Ready for the thought lottery?

I am completely flawed. I am working on this. But nevertheless, my opinions, I have found are valued. My experience is priceless and so is yours so speak up! Using, the defininte article " I " alot here because I am not necessarily able to speak for you, now am I? Lets see....

1). I wonder how unboring the world would be if everyone dressed in a manner that reflected who they fantasized themselves to be. Would there be a whole host of Hitlers, Marylin Monroes and Jesus's creeping the malls, or does anyone have an original thought left?

2). Net Neutrality. Ah, Our beloved Internet 2 prospect. Based on the China Model which basically says, " If you post that the Chinese Government is in fact not perfect, refined, civil, moral and glistering in its bright crimson sun then Yu go to Prison and chisel big rock fo life! So Verizon, Comcast, At &T and other atrociously enormous modes of digital thought patterns are all coming together in one big happy family for another episode of " It' s time to fuck the American people over again because we can't sleep knowing we are too weak to tweak our own character. And besides , we need more money to fill that blasted hole in our souls that keeps acting as a vaccum for all thats good and decent. " Ok so its an extra long episode title, but so was " Don't be a menace to South Central while Drinking your Juice Da Hood". But nobody complained.

So let me get this straight. They decide that they simply arte not getting enough of what humanity has to offer in the way of innovation because they simply have no way to access that oh so coveted mind hive and collaberate. Hmmm....lets give them the internet. Hey look we have progressed more in the last 10 years than in the past century. Hmmm....

Wait whats this? You mean to say with individuals engineering and sharing ideas also comes individual opinion? Ok, so great. Thats enough playing kids. Time to come inside. We have what we needed. Thank you.

Alabaster says:

So tell me, when you elitist intellectual orphans do infact jack the internet you did not create, do you realize that becuase no one is suddenly signing up for classes in web design that you are eventually going to look up and find that no one is at the Goddam wheel of your off road all terrain franken-universe? Wow, you guys are smart...I wanna be just like you when I grow up....

e- tards.

2). The Draft.

To even mention the draft on National television is to let ones nutsack flap in the wind against the side of the pick-up truck while flying a rebel flag 'neath the light of the Harlem moon. This has to be the greatest act of desperation on the part of our governement here in the U.S. to try and extract a civil war from the people. It's no different than my baby brother playing the " I am not touching you. I am not touching you" game with my eyelashes in the backseat of the minivan on the annual family trip to Dallas. It's just pure antogonism in its most juvinile form.

3). Fear Factor Delicacies

I could say, " Oh my Gawd! I don't care how much money! I aint eatin' no dang cockroach!"

But its better to say, " Mr. Camera man, please stop switching scenes to the contestants taunting or acting like they are going to puke. I would actually like to see at least one cockraoch go in a persons mouth out of the

12 seasons I have been watching fear factor."

I think thats more appropriate.

I did not feel like posting introspectively tonite. I felt like amusing myself because I have been swamped with work.

Wed, January 31,2007 4:10 am

One has to wonder, was it my geneology that got me here? Am I cursed for having a German Bloodline? I am I cursed with the same curse my Scotch/Irish ancestors were, crushed beneath the boots of Noblemen? Do I carry the rage of my Hopi Kinsmen? I cannot say. One thing I can conclude, is that essence that ever being has the capability to grasp, that self-hood realization...that can be mine, is mine. However the expression of such glorious and rare facets, ( The Snowflake Theory) is never under any circumstance to expressed in its fullest capacity unless it be by electronic means, Photoshop or Pen. And Oh Fucking well. Mankind's insanity is at stake here. And if I were to literally open my mouth the very foundations of humanity may indeed crumble beneath wooden shoes. How do I know this?

The Consequences.

Most individuals are allowed to speak on just about any topic. However, I am not given that measure of grace. And it is within this captivity I learned all that I know and continue to have relationship with within myself. Psychology is certainly not learned by the book. It comes by situtaions constructed by those who are threatened by the very nature of who you are. Psychology was never a choice. I never was able or had on hand the scribings of the Great Doctors. I only had a certain inate drive to survive in the circle I am caged in at the time. When you have those who cherish their insanity, one soon finds either the rare trait of genius, or the drive for mass murder. I have been in too many a circumstance with those who enjoyed walking the wire of both. And now, I find that I myself prefer genius as I DEFINE genius. It's not to be defined by a person, an institution or a Websterian.

Simply put, I am forbidden to sleep here, and then promptly asked why I can't stay awake. You would think this was a metaphore, unfortunately, its a very concrete reality for me. I am slave to however far the insanity wants to run its course....

Enjoy the typos. They won't be around forever.

The Sephiroth is not found in a book, but in the mirror. Christ Consciousness is not found with Jesus the man, but the concept. And redemption and enlightenment is not either when its birthed had to be coached by the midwifery of a Master Pastor. Fuck that. I got it on my own. Its not real if it has to be taught by another mouths perception. Period. grasp it. Feel its heat in your palm and the contrast of the cool wind wrap about your wrist. You know nothing.

You can know anything only when you find yourself adamant about the fact you know nothing.

The Meek shall inherit the earth. Define meek, my friend. Look it up in the orginal text then come back over to this post and kiss my ass, cause the earth is mine! Regardless of what i have in my hands, which in the physical is next to nothing. But I have treasures stored up in my soul that over half the population my age has yet to be able to touch. Is this egotistical? No. It's fact. Have a gander around. What do you see? A total lack of emotional intelligence, a generation blueprinted after the last. With all the cliques, the garb, the groups, the cultureshocks, its still the same shit, different day. It's only shit with beautiful prismatic vibrating hues. But it still fell out the same Illuminati ass. With all the culture mixing there is still a racism present, not of color but of mind. With all the acceptance of various sexual orientation there is still the same ole' " Gimme,

I want more. Be to me what they could not be! Give me what my abuser gave me! Cheat on me! Goddamit cheat on me! Leave me in this hell, abandon me...its all I know! Don't leave me with this terrible resonsibility of persuing my individuality! How could you think of it! You are heartless, a madman!" And there it is. And still the same shit. And for fuck sake! I'll be damn if they haven't come up with the same damn solutions as they have in the past 50,000 years which has only put more corn in the turd making it impossible to flush! Fucking Eisteins! I bow at the feet of your ignorance for I am in awe! It's glory outshines the Vastness and complexity of space! Its depth runs deeper than the word " relative". And its power strips dynasties and reduces Extradimensional kings to the level of leper colonies of old!

" Clean Cups "....!- The Mad Hatter, One of my Oh my God oober favorite quotes...

HBO's Carnavale comes to mind, as well as the photographical protrusions of Richard Avedon....THIS CAN"T BE THE HUMAN ELEMENT!!!! And I have always said I am more than human. I have to be, because I hate this shit. And If I were in charge of the history books they would include the childhood of Napoleon and the Obcessive Compulsive Disorders of even the fabled Solomon and his riches beyond comprehension. Riches are wisdom. And they are no where to be found except in the hearts and spirits of the adept. So frankly, we are not the Richest Country on Earth! The Project for the New American Century Should the fuck down, and put up the plywood over the windows because....Fuck your New Pearl Harbor Event, We are infact the poorest country on the planet....and why? Because we tend to exterminate the wisdom of the poor.

Mystery Schools are facinating and just....fantastic and I would love to attend one. So much to learn. But the real class room and the real Masters are sitting on the side of the road having flashbacks of Vietnam and chugging a 40 oz. and we sit and search the net for wisdom, search the papers, search our wallets and our carnal beds and all the while.....untold education is wasting away in the parking lot down the street with plastic bags covering his feet. Human Devine Memories in decay, a chestt fo hidden jewels. You Imbeciles!

I rant like this in my head all time....it never stops. Even when I am working it just...doesn't ...stop. Don't ask me who I am. The Cheshire Cat can answer tha one. He knows me all too well. I 'll have him pencil you in.